Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Just Your Average Christmas

I love Christmas (full disclosure:  I'm also kind of one of those posers who claims that every holiday is their absolute favorite, but that's besides the point)... I love seeing everyone's lights & decorations, and I make a point to visit every single public Christmas display or exhibit within a 15 mile radius, sometimes twice before New Years.

But with that said, I'm a festive Christmas admirer, not a festive Christmas do-er.  You won't find me competing with Betty Crocker next door over whose light display can blow out the transformer first.  But I sure would love to watch and applaud if you are going to kick it Griswold style over the holidays.  All I'm trying to do is just enough to avoid getting sneers from the community members and live vicariously through my ambitious neighbors.  Is that so much to ask?  I'm just trying to get by, that's all.

So why am I finding that I can't even get average right?

We don't have garland on our mantle or railings; no wreaths or candles in the windows; so I really wanted the Christmas tree to look nice (considering that is just about the only decoration we have to offer this year).

And yet here she is, ol' faithful...

Notice anything funny about this tree? (aside from the fact that it looks like it is about to fall over)...

Here, let me give you a couple clues...

At first, I would not only put the decoration that had been taken down back up on the tree, but I would also make sure it went right back into its proper place.  Nothing worse than incorrect spacing on the tree ornaments, am I right?

Now, after a week and a half of wasting way too much of my time trying to figure out where they all came from, I don't even bother picking them up anymore.  Now it's almost become this game of 'let's see if there are any ornaments left on the tree by the time Christmas gets here!'

Niall is cute about it; it seems to matter to him, so he tries to *discourage* Brendan (discourage = whack on the hand) and then promptly puts the decorations back up.  Which ends up being a lot of this:

Nothing makes me cringe more than 5 ornaments on 1 branch, but I have learned to take a deep breath and let it go.  Actually, I take that back; there is one thing that makes me cringe more, and that is when Brendan does this:

Hey, thanks for at least leaving that jagged stabby top part of the ornament hanging on the branch.  How thoughtful of you.

And then there was the gingerbread house.  I was smart enough to put Brendan down for a nap before Niall and I started that project, and it actually turned out really cute...

 It was when he woke up from his nap that we had the problem...

As far as Christmas stockings go, there are 4 hung on the mantle, so I would call that a success.  I didn't quite get around to buying that puffy paint to monogram Brendan's stocking, but I know he's the red and white one, so that should be fine.  It's not like he can read anyway.

Now Christmas lights are tricky.  Do I attach them to the actual house or just throw them over the bushes? Do I have an extension cord long enough to plug those bad boys in somewhere?  Is that extension cord supposed to run through your actual house because I'm not a fan of tripping over cords every time I open the door?  How does everyone else make this look so easy and why have I never EVER actually seen anyone in the act of hanging Christmas lights?

Well, I'm pretty sure that Matt just kind of tucked each end of the strand into a snag at the ends of the gutter. Surprisingly, they didn't turn out too bad...

  Unless feng shui is important to you...

I have to defend myself on this one-- 300 lights sounded like a lot to me.  I think it would be more accurate for them to label the box according to length vs amount of lights, if anyone from Target headquarters is reading this/ cares.  Anyway, even if I got another strand at this point, there is no way that Matt will get up there again to do it.  And I'm definitely not climbing any ladders and risking my life for the sake of Christmas spirit.

So maybe some eggnog instead.  It's hard to get that wrong, but I'm sure I could find a way.

Cheers, Merry Christmas!

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