It's a strange feeling when you've been dreaming of something for such a long time and then, when you finally get it, you realize that you may not even want it. Is it possible that I could be one of these people who are meant to function off of no sleep?
For 7 months, although completely smitten with our newest addition, I longed for the day when there would be a sliver of sunlight coming through the window when I was waking up. And about 2 months ago, my dreams came true.
I couldn't ask for a better sleeper than Brendan. 7:30-7. Every night. No fussing, no interruptions, no middle of the night disturbances. Couldn't ask for more...
So why am I sitting here on my couch at 2:30 pm watching the housewives of Miami (I swear I never do this), staring at 2 bags of clothes that need to be sorted, a sink full of dishes, a trail of dirt that Niall tracked all over my rug.... and can't seem to put one foot in front of the other because I'm so exhausted!
After 2 months of recovery sleep, I'm realizing that I was operating at my very best when Brendan was about 6 months old, back when I was getting 6 hours of sleep each night. I would pop up at 4:30 or 5am and play with Brendan, cut up some fruit and make smoothies for me and Niall, get my act together and go about my day without ever dragging.
Now, I hit my snooze button 7 or 8 times each morning-- yes, I set an alarm in the hopes that I will go back to waking up early and have a whole hour to myself before the kids wake up. After I sleep through my alarm, I've probably gotten more than 9 hours of sleep, and still can't seem to pull myself out of bed.
Maybe I'm just a 6 or 7 hour kind of girl... I just don't think I am ready to accept that.
I have always heard that you wait your whole adult life to sleep in again after having kids, and then when the nest is empty, your body is too used to waking up early all those years. I'm guessing that will probably happen to me, but I was hoping that I could at least wait another 30 years or so to feel the urge to try waking up 3 hours before I actually need to.
I'm learning that nothing is constant with kids, except for constant change. Any time I get used to something or think that things are in a stable place, a change is sure to come in my future. Any time I am happy or comfortable with the way things are, I find some reason to go and change it up.
I think that with kids, we have to accept and embrace that we are going to constantly be adjusting, constantly adapting and there is always going to be some surprise (good or bad) around the corner. But that's part of the fun, so I say bring it on.