Friday, July 1, 2011

Flashback Friday

Flashback to last night.  I had an unbelievable nightmare that truly horrified me.  I woke up trembling and had to run into Niall's room, wake him up and just hold him.

Niall was riding one of those little toddler bikes; a three wheeler, low to the ground.  Even though in real life, he can't efficiently maneuver one of those, he could in the dream.  We were at a carnival and Niall was riding his bike right in front of me. 

All of a sudden, he was pedaling faster and faster and I had to run to keep up with him.  He turned a corner and when I ran around it after him, he was gone. 

At first, I was confident I would find him.  How could a less than 2 year old on a little bike disappear into thin air?  I kept running, looking down every row of games and toys.  But then I started to panic.  More than 10 minutes had passed; I couldn't reason that he was just around the next corner anymore.  I had no idea where he was.

I just kept running.  I had to keep looking.  I tore through toys and stuffed animals and costumes.  I was screaming and asking everyone I passed if they had seen a little boy on a bike.  At this point, I was completely frantic and defeated.  I didn't think I would ever see Niall again.  I really didn't.

I went back through the carnival the same way I came, still looking, hoping, but sure that I wouldn't find him.  Just then, I saw his little face through a group of people sitting around him.  4 men had taken him.  I just ran up and grabbed Niall out of their hands.  His little nose was broken, bruises and scratches on his face, he was barely conscious.

And then I woke up.  After I got through the shock of what my sick and twisted subconscious had just conjured up, I realized that the moral of this story is not that I should keep Niall locked in a bubble and never let any harm come his way, but that all I can do is be the best parent I can be, and hope and pray that everything will be ok.

There will be times when he is at a friend's house or on a field trip or playing in the woods and I won't be there.  I can't keep him from doing all the fun things that kids do and I can't be a mom leech who never lets him do anything unless I'm holding his hand.  Sometimes, you just have to let go and trust that everything will be ok.  I think that might be the hardest part of being a parent, and it will take me a while to actually do it, but I'll get there.




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3 comments:

  1. Oh gosh, that IS scary. But I think it's normal to fear losing what we love the most. I sometimes have those kinds of dreams about my closest people too.

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  2. Those kinds of dreams are terrifying!! Really shakes you to your core! Letting go is definitely the hardest part of motherhood, I struggle with that,too!

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  3. holy crap what a nightmare! those are the kind where i wake up & immediately breath a HUGE sigh of relief that it's just a dream.

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