It killed me last year to be home during the most amazing snow storm of my lifetime-- and not be able to play with my first born baby boy in it. What a tease. Niall was just about the size of a football, and his neck barely able to support his wobbly little head.
So while I wanted to throw a big snowball in his face and make matching mommy and baby snow angels, simple physics would not allow it. Instead, a little soiree in the car seat, featuring king of snowy mountain, did the trick... kind of.
Fast forward about a year.
We're at the bay for Christmas and what do you know, we're the only part of Maryland that gets any snow-- but I didn't bring Niall's snowsuit and boots that I got him just in case the perfect snow storm would hit again. Typical.
But it was so beautiful and peaceful, I didn't care. I just gazed out the window and soaked up all of the serenity (why is snow so perfectly quiet?).
The old boat house with the choppy creek running behind it reminded me of a really old scary movie- but in a good way.
And I know that I'll have another opportunity to play with him in the snow this year and get that snow angel I've been dying for... and maybe even peg him in the face with a snow ball :)
I started snapping pictures right and left on our way home. Nobody was around; it was just me, Niall and Matt. And all I could think about was how fast a year goes by. How this beautiful, snowy winding road is just like life... and how much I wish I were an amazing photographer.
How Niall is not a baby anymore, but a boy. With a personality. With likes and dislikes. With his own funny faces and expressions.
How could he have been that little football in my arms all those months ago? It feels like air now when I hold a 2 month old, but Niall is almost too heavy for me to pick up anymore. When did that happen?
It's a happy time, seeing him grow and change. So why does it feel so sad sometimes? Like his little baby-ness is just slipping right out of my fingers. I love Niall as a one year old. I love that he is no longer just an extension of Matt and me, but his own little person.
And at the same time, I know that you only have your first child once. You only go through the whole clueless, hopeless mom thing one time.
It's scary to think that he's going to be a talking, running, screaming, hitting, toilet-using kid some day soon. And even scarier to think that I will barely remember what it was like to hold and care for a newborn.
But for now, I'm enjoying and holding onto my numbered days with this little babbling bambino and stealing as many hugs as I can get :)
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